NOTE: This post is designed as a follow up from an earlier post entitled ‘Just Make a Choice’.
We live in a time with unlimited opportunities, the world has never been a smaller more accessible place. Hell, a New York businessman can enter politics and within less than 2 years become President of the United States!
Yet, we also live in a time where more and more people are not entirely satisfied with the life they are living. Is it down to too much expectation? Is it down to the mass of information we have access to telling us how we should look, feel, act and think? (Almost all of which gives differing opinions!!)
In truth it is probably down to a great deal of things but here is one absolute certainty:
If you don’t know what you want – you’re going to be unhappy with what you get!
You see, fairy tales don’t happen. You don’t suddenly wake up one morning with all your worries gone away and you living the life you’ve always dreamt of. Even lottery winners tell of how their lives are not a bed of roses. That sort of money can often make things a whole lot worse!
For me we don’t teach children to think about what they want their lives to look like. We ask them what they want to be, but not who they want to spend time with, what hobbies they want to have, what experiences they want to gain. We don’t ask them what they want their lives to look like in 3, 5 10, 20 years time. And so it shouldn’t come as a surprise to find out that adults often have no idea about these things either.
So how can you expect to have a nice life if you’ve never spent anytime thinking about it?
When we are working with clients on this topic (this is Dr Happiness) we ask questions about the amount of time they want to spend outdoors, the friends and family that they truly enjoy spending time with (and those they really don’t!).
We ask about how much alone time they want, how much money do they want – EXACTLY how much and why.
- How much exercise or relaxation?
- What religious or spiritual beliefs do they have or do they want?
- What do they want to learn?
I could go on with the questions but this is a really fun exercise that we do. The thoughts it provokes and the challenges it presents all tell clients an awful lot about themselves. It’s one of my favourite sessions and the exercise sheet we use can be available to you to if you would like it?
The key thing is to detach yourself from the “yeah but how can I have that”
Don’t worry about the reality for a while, we have tools that we can use to help with that plus in this day and age we do have huge opportunities.
Why not use them to work for you?
Please let me know if you would like to get started with our exercise sheet. I’ll happily send it through to you.
In health & happiness,
P.S. All of the above is focussed on positive thoughts and a positive driver of what you want. I have learnt over the years that certain clients (those with mental health challenges primarily) just cannot think more than a few hours or a day ahead. For them just getting through today is a success.
These exercises can be done by anyone no matter what your current state of mind, we just simply bring in the scope of the conversation to that which each client can access.
P.P.S. If you are still struggling with looking forward positively then there is a really simple way to get started. It comes in the phrase from one of my key mentors, Paul Chek:
“If you can’t work out your dream, just focus on moving away from your nightmare!”
For now focus really hard on getting away from what you don’t want and you may then be able to build the space to think about what you do want.